X FACTOR WEEK THREE: GUILTY PLEASURES

So last week One Direction's musical hero was Kelly Clarkson, and this week their 'guilty pleasure' is Pink. ABSOLUTE NONSENSE.



I've got a new idea for an X Factor theme - it's called 'Producer's Choice Week' and basically it allows the X Factor producers to chose songs for the contestants that they feel suit their voice best, and give the show a good balance of ballads/uptempo numbers. This theme could be applied every single week to maximise downloads/phone votes/viewing figures. EXCEPT FOR OBLIGATORY BIG BAND WEEK.

WAS THIS WORTH INTERRUPTING MICHAEL BUBLE'S HOLIDAY FOR? I think not.

X FACTOR WEEK TWO: MUSICAL HEROES WEEK

STORM 'LEE GARDNER' LEE: Born to Run - Bruce Springsteen
Poor Storm 'Lee Gardner' Lee. Given the cursed opening spot, Lee had little chance of survivng this week. Especially without his army of dancing gimps from last week. Did someone really compare him to Bono on Saturday night? I suppose they are both bell-ends.
3/10

TREYC: Purple Rain - Prince
X-FACT! not as good as Ruth Lorenzo
5/10

ONE DIRECTION: My Life Would Suck Without You
Simon Cowell truely had a sixth sense when he put Two Dimensions together. How could he possibly have predicted that each and every one of the members would regard Kelly Clarkson as their musical hero. But they do and that is why they have such a unified musical vision. Except Zain. He is a tortured musical genius who despises everything that One Direction hold dear (mostly Kelly Carkson).
6/10

MAT CARDLE: Just the Way you Are (Amazing) - Bruno Mars
It also turned out that Matt Cardle's musical hero was R+B superstar Bruno Mars. Bruno has only released three singles in the UK but they are all Matt Cardle's favourite records of ALL TIME. He just slightly prefers Just The Way You Are.
7/10

CHER: Hard Knock Life - Jay Z
Cher's musical hero was little orphan Annie. (That's what she told the producers, but really, it is Eoghan Quigg.)
8/10

DIVA FEVER: Gotta Go Home - Boney M
Why were Diva Fever forced to dress up as clowns and sing novelty songs every week?
It was a shame
2/10

WAGNER: Help Yourself - Tom Jones
I was expecting Wagner to play bongos in every single performance. Still I am glad he has not been deported back to Brazil. (If any contestants misbehave or upset Cheryl, Simon can raise his left hand and they are either instantly deported back to their home country or chained up in Louis' castle in Dublin. Ask yourself why you have heard nothing of Chloe Mafia recently.)

This week it was reported Wagner left the X-Factor Mansion after falling out with his housemates. I can imagine that having a pet lion roaming around the kitchen would get a bit annoying.

And after his advances were rejected by Mary Byrne, Wagner was spotted in the local cafe romancing this woman:

I think he just wants to swap his flip-flops for whatever is in that FootLocker bag.
8/10

BELLE AMIE: You Really Got Me - Kinks
boring
5/10

PAIGE RICHARDSON: If I Ain’t Got You - Alicia Keys
Did Paige actually perform this week? I've forgotten.
2/10

KATIE WAISSEL: I Rather Go Blind - Etta James
X-FACT! Katie has a very square face.
8/10

MARY BYRNE: You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me - Dusty Springfield
Backstage rumours suggest that Mary ate Matt's hat this week.
7/10

JOHN ADELEYE: A Song For You - Leon Russell
5/10

AIDEN GRIMSHAW: Jealous Guy - John Lennon
A bit rubbish, but at least Aiden looked less likely to remove Danni's eyeballs with a biro this week.
5/10

REBECCA FERGUSON: Nina Simone -Feeling Good
boring
4/10