Iron Man 2

Poor Tony Stark. The magnet in his chest is slowly poisoning him, the US Government was his Iron Man suit, and an angry Russian man wants to hit him with a whip.

That's the entire plot of Iron Man 2. Iron Man was always a weak concept and stretching it to two films was always going to be a challenge. The problem with Iron Man is he is essentially a very dull superhero. Alter ego Tony Stark is very entertaining, but as soon as he puts on the suit, he's just a boring robot.

Don't worry though - to snazz things up a bit, this time there's ANOTHER boring robot. AND THIS ONE IS GREY.
The world's most boring colour.
PLUS to make thigs even more boring, the most Tony does during the film is build a special triangle. He does this with the aid of a mystery new element that his dad hid in a rubbish papier mache model village. That is where I hide all my myserty new elements.

SO WHY DOES TONY STARK GET A MEDAL AT THE END OF THIS FILM?

yes he kills some bad robots. But those robots' only mission was to kill him anyway - they weren't out to destroy the world or anything. I don't see why he should get a medal for moping around his flat whining for 2hrs then building a triangle.

And that's the problem really - nothing is at stake in this film. Tony is the only one under threat, and if he's not worried about it, why should we be?

The only conclusion i can come to is that the film is really about beards. Why does every villain Iron Man fights have to have a beard?

Mickey Rourke has a beard. Jeff Bridges in Iron Man 1 had a beard. Why does Iron Man only fight men with beards? What's his problem with beards? You can't accuse him of being beardist because he too has a beard! Maybe he just wants to be the only man on earth with a beard and has vowed to nobble anyone else who dares to grow one.

IN OTHER NEWS: Sam Rockwell (no beard) is amusing as a sort of gay version of Tony Stark, but it's a shame that Scarlett Johansson is reduced to the director's idea of a perfect woman - a secretary for 99% of the movie who then changes into a leather catsuit for no good reason, complete with obligatory bra shot.

Here is a picture of her in the catsuit. (couldn't find the bra shot)


Mark Out Of Seven: 4