X FACTOR WEEK SEVEN: BEATLES

after Wagner's heated debate with Cheryl this week on the merits of council estates, let's have a look at the TOP SIX X FACTOR CONTROVERSIES THIS SERIES:

6. Aston's lack of coloured earpiece

All the other memebers of JLS managed to turn up with their designated colour coordinated earpieces/mircophones for this performance of Love You More. SO WHY NOT ASTON? He should be immediately replaced with Lenny Henry.


5. Exclusion of Princes and Rogues

Why oh why did Simon chose to leave this post-modern take on the boyband out of his top four? The geeky one, the geeky one, the one with the glasses, the one with the bow tie and the other geeky one were amongst the cream of Boot Camp.


4. Aiden's "friend's" twitter leak text message

what lovely friends Aiden must have. Half an hour before the results, they send him a nice encouraging text - 'Twitter leak says you're probably going home mate, unlucky.'
BUT WHERE DID THE TWITTER LEAK COME FROM AND HAS IT BEEN PLUGGED? No one has ever mentioned it again


3. John Adeleye's backing dancers

So appauled by the grotesque sexual gyrating exhibited by John's dancers during his snoozesome performance of Zoom, the judges have since insisted that all contestants can only be accompained by their grandmothers doing the foxtrot. Except Katie of course.

2. Zain refuses to dance at Boot Camp

Zain gives a small glimpse of the total disinterest he would eventually show in One Direction by refusing to take part in the group dance lesson. Simon gave him a good talking to, and now he's the new Sean from 5ive.

1. Simon Cowell's hatred of staircases

Gamu's death sentence was instantly forgotten when Simon and Cheryl came close to blows over Cher Lloyd's twirly staircase.

X FACTOR WEEK FIVE: AMERICAN ANTHEMS

X FACTOR WEEK FOUR: HALLOWEEN

Poor Storm 'Lee Gardner' Lee. Imagine him sitting at home, quietly weeping while watching the remaining X Factor contestants on stage singing with none other than his hero Bon Jovi.

I would think his bitterness levels rocketed through the bitterness scale that night.

Storm is offically the UK's bitterest most deluded man. Let's follow his journey from improvorished L.A. singer-songwriter to gay burglar through his own words...


8th Sept
"Cheryl Cole I love you. I live for you. When I started singing and I locked eyes on you, you got me. I know you did because you know what it feels like. So Cheryl I love you, you have no idea."
BITTERNESS LEVEL: COMPLETELY UN-BITTER
DELUSION LEVEL: BUBBLING UNDER


8th Oct
"I have a special connection to everyone who has been on the show"
BITTERNESS LEVEL: LOW


14th Oct
"Duetting with Lady GagGa would be amazing, I auditioned to be a backing singer for her tour but she wanted girls. I think she’s a little bit of a soulmate.'
DELUSION LEVEL: RISING

18th Oct
"If Brian May called me up for Queen and said that they had a gig coming up, I would be up for trying out."
DELUSION LEVEL: EXTERMEMLY HIGH

18th Oct
"In the future I will be in control of my artistic presentation and things like that. Until now I have been at the whim of Louis Walsh who, to be honest, is a bit out of touch. It's really difficult when you are working with someone like that to be exciting, relevant and modern. You are pushing up against a mountain."
BITTERNESS LEVEL: VERY BITTER


BONUS STORM X FACT! Storm sang backing vocals on Meatloaf's It's All Coming Back to Me Now

20th Oct
"I'm the most versatile singer out of all of the contestants. That’s not me being arrogant but I realized early on that it's not a singing show, it's a popularity competition. I feel really relieved to be out, actually. Right from the start I was pushing against a lot of factors that were really against me, and I knew, quite early on, that I was probably a bit too creative for the show, a bit too polished and too self-realized."
BITTERNESS LEVEL: GETTING TOO BITTER TO SURVIVE

19th Oct
"Louis made me look like Gary Glitter. He favoured Mary because they're both Irish and a similar age"
BITTERNESS LEVEL: WARNING WARNING FAR TOO BITTER

19th Oct
"Louis didn't say anything to me after the show. I had a really amazing talk with Simon, he said he was really sorry to see me go. I'm a songwriter, that's how I plan to make serious money. I said, 'Please let me work with you', and he was up for it."
DELUSION LEVEL: CRITICAL

Oct 26
I feel Katie and Cher are there just to be famous, not to become singers – and I wish I hadn’t spent so much time with Katie."
BITTERNESS LEVEL: LIKE A BITTER LEMON

31st Oct
"I can't see Mary really connecting with the public. She's like my mum. I felt very alone and no one understood my uniqueness. Louis didn't how to handle it."
DELUSION LEVEL: COMPELTELY DELUDED


2nd Nov
"Interestingly, I spent more time with Cheryl and Simon than Louis, my glorious leader.
Cheryl got me, was very into me, loved my shoes and my style."

ACTUAL CONVERSATION:
Storm: 'Hey Cheryl, did you love my performance of Born To Run, with the motorbike and everything?'
Cheryl: 'Um, I like your shoes?'